Friday, July 21, 2006

People keep asking me if I'm excited about going to London. Of course, I respond quickly; a "yes" is always close at hand. And I certainly am excited about it. I've always wanted to visit London. However, excitement has not been the dominant feeling lately. Fear has started to set in. I've been asked multiple times if I'm going by myself, and when I say yes, people just give me this look, like I'm crazy or something. "I couldn't go alone," they say. Well, it's not like I want to go alone, either. I just don't have a choice, just as London is not where I'd ideally spend time in England. I don't like cities. In fact, I rather hate them. I'm none too fond of strangers, or crowds, or areas I don't know well. I guess the realization that London (albeit a small burough of London) is a huge city is just starting to hit me. I'm worried that I won't be able to keep up; I'm worried that my grades will slip; I'm worried that I'm more conservative than a lot of the students there probably are. Despite the guidebooks and Internet searchings, I still have no idea what it'll be like in England. I have so many questions, both about the country and about myself. What if I don't fit in? What if I'm strucky by a massive wave of insecurity and anthropophobia? What if I run out of money? Are the people in England kind, or will they be gruff with me? So many questions ... someday I will put them aside, lose anxiety, and enjoy life. Unfortunately, someday is not today.


At 8:38 AM, Blogger Fieldfleur said...

Understandable tension. Some of those fears may be realized, but then you'll have some of those cool serendipitous things that happen too which will likely be enough to say, "Wow. I'm so glad I was courageous enough to do this!"
I'm impressed by your desire to learn and experience! When I was in London, people were quite friendly, particularly on the Tube. Wow, think of all those famous writers who walked the same street that you will. I can't wait to hear more of your experiences there!
Take care,


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