Friday, July 21, 2006

People keep asking me if I'm excited about going to London. Of course, I respond quickly; a "yes" is always close at hand. And I certainly am excited about it. I've always wanted to visit London. However, excitement has not been the dominant feeling lately. Fear has started to set in. I've been asked multiple times if I'm going by myself, and when I say yes, people just give me this look, like I'm crazy or something. "I couldn't go alone," they say. Well, it's not like I want to go alone, either. I just don't have a choice, just as London is not where I'd ideally spend time in England. I don't like cities. In fact, I rather hate them. I'm none too fond of strangers, or crowds, or areas I don't know well. I guess the realization that London (albeit a small burough of London) is a huge city is just starting to hit me. I'm worried that I won't be able to keep up; I'm worried that my grades will slip; I'm worried that I'm more conservative than a lot of the students there probably are. Despite the guidebooks and Internet searchings, I still have no idea what it'll be like in England. I have so many questions, both about the country and about myself. What if I don't fit in? What if I'm strucky by a massive wave of insecurity and anthropophobia? What if I run out of money? Are the people in England kind, or will they be gruff with me? So many questions ... someday I will put them aside, lose anxiety, and enjoy life. Unfortunately, someday is not today.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Traveling abroad is a progressive exercise in the discovery of our own ignorance.

-- William Blake

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

London hasn't been on my mind too much lately, except in flashes of blind panic about finances. Despite all my worry about money, though, I continue to plan fun things to do while I'm there. I've been looking at theatre and opera schedules, and I must admit I'm quite thrilled by what I've found. It's no surprise that London has a wonderful lineup for the fall. However, I was surprised to discover that theatre and opera are less expensive in London than they are here, especially on the day of performance. One company (Unfortunately, I've forgotten which) sells tickets on the day of for around $18. English National Opera sells students tickets for as little as $25. I am, of course, tremendously excited by all of this. I love theatre, and I've always wanted to see an opera. ENO is performing La Traviata and The Marriage of Figaro while I'll be there. I'm hoping to see at least one. I think I want to see La Traviata, actually. I loved Moulin Rouge (which is loosely based on it), and I've requested the Dumas novel it's based on. Of course, spending last semester with professor who loves Mozart, and even brought in cake so we could celebrate Mozart's birthday properly, does make me inclined to see The Marriage of Figaro as well. And naturally there are about 10 million other productions I'd like to see as well. Picking one will be difficult. At least I don't have to pick out a dress. I'm such a girl. :) I went shopping this weekend, looking for practical things like jeans and sweaters, and what do I end up with? A lovely, lovely, black tea-length formal dress -- perfectly fitted, strapless (with optional straps), a satin ribbon around the waist. It's gorgeous, classic, and makes me feel like a grown-up. And even better, it was only $12 at Goodwill. But I digress ... I can't wait to go to the theatre in London. This is all so exciting.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I almost never dream, so I was somewhat shocked to wake up this morning and realize that I had. Unfortunately, it wasn't a bright, cheerful dream. It was a nightmare of sorts, actually. There were no monsters chasing me (unless you count pre-schoolers) or trees trying to eat me. I don't even remember all of it. I just know that I had missed my flight to London. In some ways, I was fine with it, I recall, because I hadn't even finished packing. I kept thinking, "I forgot all my sweaters at home!" and going home to find them. Apparently, I lived close to the airport, because this happened more than once. I also remember becoming teary at the thought of paying another hundred dollars to change my ticket date again. (I'll have to do it once in real life, which is bad enough.) The only other thing I can recall is that there were pre-schoolers at my house, which I don't understand at all. My sister, who has a one-year-old, wasn't even there. Odd...

I guess my subconcious is getting as anxious as I am. I'm researching London a bit now, and all these negative possibilities pop into my head. Most involve faith, depression, and money. I know everything will be resolved in time, but, man, I hope it's sooner than later.

Thursday, July 06, 2006


I have so many thoughts about studying abroad that I had to create a new place to post them. This is a public blog I set up so my friends and family could follow my adventures in England, Germany, and Spain. Enjoy.

adopt your own virtual pet!